
When I was in college, I worked part time in a NY State Social Services Agency as a Youth Advocate.
Families were referred to our agency via the Court System for minors who have gotten in legal trouble and had been arrested. Troubled youth were referred to our program as a last attempt to get the kids productively functioning in society. If they couldn’t stay out of trouble the Court would mandate child placement.
My first assigned case was with a family of 5 people. Michael was 15 years old and had a 4month old son. Michael was always in trouble and he had a bad temper when he got angry.
My job was to keep Michael busy and involved in productive activities that kept him engaged and focused on doing well and keeping out of trouble. My main priority was to make sure that he did well in school. So every morning, to start my day, I would drive 20 minutes, out of the city to where Mike lived to wake him up and make sure he got up to school. Each morning I would drive him and his siblings to school so they could start the day off right.
Michael took a great liking to me from the very first day we met. He was a young boy from upstate, NY and he thought it was cool I was from Brooklyn.
Michael and I got along very well and he enjoyed spending time with me each day. He started doing better in school, his temper calmed, he saw his son on a regular basis. I would involve Mike in activities that were based around sports and exercise. This helped him to release his pent up energy.
Michael’s family grew to love me and were thankful for my involvement in their child’s Life. Even during the summer semester, I stayed upstate working, as oppossed to my spending the summer in Brooklyn.
It was a top priority for me to make sure Michael had continued structure and support that was consistent. It was important for him to know he could trust me and that I wanted him to achieve success.
Mike grew to respect me and he and I had a very good rapport.
Mike was on summer vacation from school and he had a friend who invited him to go to Great Adventure.
Mike’s father didn’t grant him permission to go because none of his siblings were invited. This made Mike very angry. Mike’s father often had angry outbursts and he and Mike would fight very hard. Mike hated when his father screamed at him and since Mike was angry, he yelled back and their fight escalated quickly.
It was 2:00AM when Mike called me to tell me he was running away because his father was fighting with him and was acting too crazy.
Telling Mike to wait for me to get there, I drove 20 minutes outside the city to his house. When he heard my car, he climbed out of the window of the 2nd floor and lowered himself down the side of the house to drop into the front lawn. His father was in a rage and was giving Mike a hard time.
Mike’s father tried to get him inside but Michael refused to go anywhere near his Dad. This made his father even more mad and he ran out of the house and continued screaming.
He cursed at me and was angry I was there during a time when he was raging mad. He shouted more curses and went back inside and slammed the door.
Not knowing what to do, I pulled up 2 camping chairs and I let Mike cry and talk. It took some time but close to 5AM he calmed down. I was afraid to leave him alone. He fell asleep and when the sun rose, I woke Mike, convinced him to go inside and told him I was going to speak with my bosses and call him later.
I reminded him to take it easy and to not start any fights with his family.
Later that day I told my boss what happened. She looked sad and regretful and she explained to me that Mike’s father had called her and terminated our services.
How he put it was, if he wasn’t able to control his son and his bad temper, he was going to take away the one thing that meant to most to him: His advocate friend from Brooklyn, his Ann Marie.
He said I was never allowed to go by their house again and that their family wouldn’t require our services any longer. We used to pay their bills, buy them food, drive their children to school and provide them with emotional and structural support.
Because this man couldn’t control his son the way he thought was fit, he took away the one person Mike really cared about, looked up to and respected.
He hit his son where he would be hurt the hardest.
I was crushed. I had done so much for their family and had been a strong, positive influence. Mike had come such a long way and for him, things had been looking up.
It really stunned me that a parent could be so selfish and would do something so sad and cruel to their child. Michael loved me and in his eyes, I was his best friend, a glimmer of hope for good things in the future. He liked that I had expectations and goals for him, he was motivated that someone believed he could succeed.
It was very sad for me to leave him and never get to say goodbye. It was strange for the family to be yanked from my Life. Despite various meetings with my boss, his father wouldn’t change his mind and terminated our services.
That was 10 years ago. Since then, Mike and his family have moved and despite many attempts to locate them, I was never successful. It was as if they disappeared.
Today I was thinking about Mike. Googling his name to see if any info had surfaced, I saw an article about a man named Michael who was arrested two days ago for stealing 21 goats from a farm and selling them on Craig’s list.
After doing some investigating, for sure, this is the same Michael who I remember as a 15 year old boy. He is 26 now and from what I have read, he has been in and out of jail for the last few years.
I can’t help but feel regret for him and sadness that he wasn’t able to pull things together to live a good, happy Life. I can’t help but think how close he was to being ok before his father turned his back on his son by cutting off his favorite positive people in his Life.
Parents are suppossed to be a strong support. They are supposed to guide and nurture.
I never got to talk to Michael again after that night. But perhaps, since now I know where he is, I can pay him a visit.
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